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Anouchka

"I was becoming the serious and harsh adult that so many people were expecting me to be..."

Sweet dreams to you, woman of the world.

My name is Anouchka. Of course, I did not choose it, my parents did, but have I had the choice, Anouchka would have been among my favourite names.

I am a little girl of 27 years of age, if you stick to what has been determined as the measure of time, thus hours, months, years etc…

I say a little girl, because if I can’t stop the passing years that define as a 27 year old “adult”, I can certainly do everything to be and become always younger in spirit.

I am convinced that we had to people their age, not by time passing, but through their ability to marvel at life and its beauty, their open mindedness, their craziness, their purity and their wisdom mixed… then I’m afraid that several “young” people today would be in the “old” category and that several “old” people would move to the “young” category.

Finally, all this to tell you that my name is Anouchka, and that I’m 27 years old.

I was born in France, not that I am proud of it, for, besides, how can one be proud of the country they’re born in?

I did not choose my place of birth
I do not know of any country, province or state on Earth where all the laws and actions are in accordance to my values as a human being by putting the individual at the centre of its priorities for example and of which I would eventually could be proud of!
Even if I was born in this country, imaginary today, I could only be proud of it if I did help make it what it is… So, it would be like saying that I’m proud of my choices… which is what I try to do regardless of my place of birth. There…!

It makes me laugh, all these big surly guys, full of beer, who cheer for their favourite soccer team, just because it’s the village’s team where their little behind was born. Of course I mention soccer because coming from France it is the national sport, but it’s the same with hockey, baseball etc… The team they support is not even composed of players that were born in the region; in fact they’re mostly from foreign countries. But it’s OK, it’s manly to be proud, it’s strong, it’s alive and it bellows… they’re even ready to beat each other up as long as they have the impression they are defending something that makes them feel they exist and that they belong to a group. As if the region and the country imposed on us at birth could define us as an individual…

Finally, in a few words, I will tell you my story, a portion of it of course, in the main lines.

I spent my childhood in the countryside, in a small village where going to the neighbouring city located about 10 kilometres away, once every week and a half, was, for me, like going abroad, like discovering a new country.
So, as a means to travel, I usually used my imagination. The context was auspicious since I was spending my days surrounded by the view of a forest and animals.

I remember all those nights, where, on the small terrace between the house and the small pool that allowed me to hear the lap of the water, surrounded by trees created like a protection screen around me, I was gazing upon the sky, fully open to me, and that allowed me to catch a glimpse of the moon and the stars, while listening to the sounds of nature. I would let myself be overcome with the plenitude such a view offered me.

Of course, my childhood was not that easy. Like everyone else, I had to overcome trials, but I knew that these moments were magical, and they always reminded me of beauty, of the infinity of possibilities. I was allowed to imagine anything at all and to think it could happen. As I wasn’t much confronted to the outside world, it was easy to stay in this purity of being and innocence.

Thus, I grew up thinking about a world of love that was possible, a planet where everyone loved each other, where nobody would suffer and where we’d all have fun. And in which we’d all be Princes and Princesses.

Then, of course, the little girl I already was discovered the world. Delicate and frail, I encountered and crossed paths with hundreds and then thousands of people who allowed me to discover a different reality, one that I did not yet know.

First, I understood that the world was not as beautiful, as pure and as innocent as I was at that time. I even understood that we were quite far from there and the Princes and Princesses did not yet exist. So the shock was quite difficult to handle. At first, I refused to see the reality.

Then I became angry against this society of suffering, at this world that wasn’t like I wished it to be and I eventually resigned myself to the idea of the reality and I slowly started to lose my illusions and my childhood dreams to become an adult, before realising one day that everything is possible and that I simply had a role to play so that the world could become the one I always dreamed of.

The most difficult step to live through was, without any doubt, the one where I resigned myself; I resigned myself to think that we wouldn’t live in a world of pleasure, where no one would ever suffer, where Princes and Princesses really existed.

It was difficult because, little by little, I was losing my appetite for life, my capacity to be excited by life. I was losing hope; I was losing my dreams… But paradoxically, it felt that the more I was losing my dreams, the more I was fitting with my environment.

I was becoming the serious and harsh adult that so many people were expecting me to be.

But fighting against your dreams, losing them is not easy. It’s like fighting against yourself.

When you feel in yourself softness, Love, the desire to laughing about everything, the pleasure of looking at flowers and animals as if you were one with them, and that on the other hand, you are taught that life is a fight, that Love is a feeling of possessing characterized by a feeling a jealousy, that laughing is not being responsible and that being serious is better, that flowers and animals have names and that what matters above all. Well, you change and you become glum and sad.

If like me, your purity as a child was not held up by a structure, a basis, just like the human body has a skeleton to allow it to stand erect while being able to dance and to pirouette, well you allow yourself to be influenced and you become harsher to learn how to protect yourself from this reality they want to impose on you.

I eventually believed in all this, I eventually thought that you had to be an inferior and weak being to think about the happiness of a world and of a better life, to think that we could all become Princes and Princesses.

So, I started to become harsher, more insensitive to life and its beauty. I started to lose my delicacy, my refinement, my femininity to open the door to masculine values that allowed to fit better into my environment and to not bother those around me with my purity and my dreams and not to bother myself by claiming loud and clear what others silently thought.

But one day, I understood, thanks to the beauty of people whose teachings I received and about which you’ll find information on this site, that, in me, I had the power to change everything, that a single being could make a difference and that I could be that person.

That I didn’t need to be resigned but that on the contrary, I could develop even more this sensitivity, this pleasure of living, this open mindedness, this craziness, this refinement, this delicacy all of which are so typically feminine, to permeate the world with them.

I understood that it was up to me and that if I wanted a world of peace, I had to first develop peace within me, that if I wanted Princes and Princesses in my life, I had to first become a Princess myself.

Simply, I understood that if the world could influence me, I could influence it and that I would make a difference if so was my desire and that I directed to my life to that effect.

Of course, I’m not a magician, I cannot change everything with a magic wand but I found hope again, hope within myself, hope in a better future.
And this by starting with small things at every moment.

I found, of course, the support for this conviction as well as tools for my change. I will let you discover their impact by attending the Summer Seminar presented to you on this site.

But before, allow me to tell you one last short story which allowed me, as short as it may be, to understand that by directing my steps towards femininity, I was on the right path.

I was a barmaid for a while. Of course, under the influence of alcohol and the well-developed brutality in some, people can get carried away by their emotions and quickly get into a fight which can have an irretrievable and a disturbing ending.

And that day, 2 male individuals started a quarrel. Verbal violence was quickly going letting its place to physical violence.

And this time, instead of walking away, which is after all a good way of avoiding problems, I decided to do something I’ve never done before.
With all the delicacy I possessed, I laid my hand on the hand of the man who was ready to attack. He was so surprised by such a soft gesture, while being in the throws of such great anger, that he turned towards me and looked at me while leaving his hand under mine. Then, I rested my gaze on him with all the Love and consideration I possessed for the human being he was.

The man completely stopped in his momentum of anger, quickly told the other person to stop as well and without a word, sat back at the bar, his head lowered. Finally, a few minutes later, he left silently.

This is an example that may appear trivial, after all, it was only a bar fight. But, it might also have been one less crime, one less woman and children who will not suffer from the eventual death of their father and from the violence in which it would have happened.

He might a man, who before fighting, now remembers this hand on his own…

Today, I am convinced that every woman in this world has the power to transform our world into this world of Love we all dreamed about. This is why, I took the liberty to write these few lines, to tell you that it is possible… everything we dreamed of is possible… and it starts with ourselves and the expression of our sensitivity, our femininity, our refinement at every moment…

With all my love for us,
Anouchka